did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
