you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
