someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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