Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
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He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Alive.
So much puke
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
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I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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