It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize