whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
