so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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