it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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