why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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