Im at strip club and am horny
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
