I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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