do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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