Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
it's great music for shaving your balls
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
