Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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