Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
