i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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