don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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