I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
