Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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