I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
