roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
