can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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