I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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