garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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