dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
