There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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