True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
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