Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
