Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
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I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i believe in u and ur pee
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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