Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
