I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
