Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
