Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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