i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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