Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize