sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
