both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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