hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
