I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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