Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
