Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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