u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
