my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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