I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
