wakey wakey hands off snakey
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
