your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
