My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
