Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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