literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
