Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
