I'm lost and stupid without you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
