Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
