Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
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I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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