You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It's just like the Real World with babies
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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