becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
