He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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