of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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