He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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