Jerry, you need to find god
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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