I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Bring me that man meat
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
