whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
