We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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