so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize