I want to have your abortion
I wish I only lived at night.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
