he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just pee around me
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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