Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
where am i from again
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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