i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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