first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
