pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
