There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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