Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
