Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
