Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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