Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
