I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize