Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
