Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
