You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
