i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
