My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
