I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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