I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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