Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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