If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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