while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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