I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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