I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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