i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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